Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be a guy.

I’ve read quite a few posts this season by women who were dismayed at the proliferation of slutty Halloween costumes for women.  As a guy, I’ll readily admit that scantily clad women running around aren’t really disturbing to me.  That said, I can certainly feel their pain and understand where they are coming from.

As proof of this, I wanted to share the unfortunate flip-side of the coin.  While there may not be a rash of men romping around in revealing outfits, there are some that just make me scratch my head.

Disclaimer to my gentle readers:  I do a lot of public appearances and as such, it’s common for a lot of kids to meet my monster.  While I’m a “kid friendly” monster, this post deals with subject matter which might not be suitable for the kiddies.

I simply don’t understand the fascination that some guys have with dressing up in what I’ll call phallus-centric costumes.

My bewilderment began a few years back when I arrived late for a party at a local night-club.  I sat in the dark, quietly strapping on my stilts.  A couple approached from the club and it was clear, even from a distance, that they were arguing.

“What’s wrong?  Why do we have to leave so early?” asked the woman.  She was wearing a modest Minnie Mouse costume.

“You were embarrassing me!  I don’t want to talk now!” answered the man, who happened to be wearing a GIANT penis costume.

That’s right, the guy in the 7′ tall penis costume was mad because his girlfriend had embarrassed him.  I chuckled to myself all evening, wondering what she could have possibly done to humiliate someone who was willing to spend all night dressed as a giant unit.

“The flasher” is the costume from this category which I encounter the most.  For those of you who may not be familiar with this get-up, I’ll describe it.  Obviously, it starts of with a trench coat, followed by nude shorts and some manner of (usually gigantic faux penis).  The wearer then spends the evening “flashing” every woman, man, and beast that he happens to pass.

Condom themed costumes pop up from time to time.  These can range from “Condom Man” (the safe-sex superhero) to guys simply adorning themselves with hundreds of prophylactics.

Finally, over the last couple years I’ve seen a trend to even more elaborate sexual innuendo in some of the costumes.  For example, the breathalyzer costume pictured here.

At the end of the day, I don’t really give a damn what anybody wears.  Man, woman, or beast, if you’re having fun and enjoying yourself, I suppose it’s all good.  That said, this is certainly a practice which I can’t fathom.

In conclusion, I’d like to pose this question to you readers.  To the guys, I like to know whether you’ve ever felt the need to don a phallus-centric costume.  As for you ladies…do find this sort of thing especially witty and clever or more sad & tragic?

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes it’s embarrassing to be a guy.

  1. Sad and tragic. Women aren’t running around dressed as a vagina or a tampon so I don’t really get the whole purpose of dressing up in a wang related costume…. I have a pretty adult humor and tend to be a little R and X rated when I speak (and yes, I have worn my fair share of slutty halloween costumes during college) BUT I am a little old fashioned when it comes to how people handle them selves in public, especially at bars, and I think things like that are just a little trashy for my taste. Although, I’ll admit, a few years ago my friend dressed up as a kissing booth (he made the whole costume by hand) and it was pretty funny, but it was also harmless in the sense that not once were the kisses expected to be on his dick.

    • Thanks for weighing in with the female point of view. I can’t for the life of me figure what must be going through a person’s head for them to wear one of these get-ups.

      My best guess is that it’s the same mentality which causes guys to drive around with their stereo blaring so loud that it’s shaking houses off their foundations. To this day, I’ve never heard a woman say “Well, he wasn’t much to look at but his music was so loud that I simply had to meet him!”

  2. I think it’s pathetic…. but it doesn’t really surprise me…. guys think it’s funny to be obvious about sexual things. Do they ever stop to think that it’s really only funny to other guys? I just think they should maybe be a little more creative and think outside of the box.

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